Friday, May 30, 2003

ok. spending waay waay too much time at computer considering it's almost the start of tenth week and i have So Much Work To Do. -makes face- but there are some important things to say...


Dan and Shereen's wedding is tomorrow morning at 1030, but considering the time difference between where they are and where i am -sob- it's in approximately fourteen hours that Shereen is going to float down the aisle at Wesley in her beautiful gown [which i have yet to see -sigh- damn this stupid quarter system that is stopping me from being there! believe me, if it weren't the end of ninth week, if it were say end of tenth week or perhaps the end of sixth week, i would be home for it] and pledge to share the rest of her life with Dan. i really wish i could be there.

i can't believe time has zoomed by so fast. i remember meeting Dan in the RGS staffroom on the first day of work -that was two whole years ago? where does time go? =) i remember dan talking about buying The Ring, i remember shereen being all excited about the proposal -- i've watched them struggle through the massive massive preparations required to actually HAVE a wedding these days, it's terrifying how stressful it seems to be. i have a whole bunch of things i want to say to them, but it just won't come out of my retarded brain because i'm losing my command of english, so i'm just going to say -- i know you guys will have a great wedding and a wonderful wonderful marriage. i know that you'll be very very happy because the two of you belong together and to each other. take care of each other. =) -big hugs- love you guys. will see you real soon! =)

***** end of Dan and Shereen Wedding Announcement -grins- *****

am also reminded by gail [i like how you call it 'professional hangover' -laugh- very appropriate] that i have Stopped Writing Completely. now i know i've bitched about this before, but it's really starting to bother me now that i literally haven't written anything worth reading in almost a year. it's as if the poetry-centre in my brain has been somehow blocked, so stuff can't get in or out of it, and writing is literally like pulling eye-teeth -or wisdom teeth without novocaine as the case may be. i'm not sure what it is. my theory is that i need excess intellectual and emotional energy to be able to write -oh the heady heady days of J1 when i didn't have do to my work, and there were so many external inspirations- and here at the U of C i just don't have that excess anymore. i don't have the buzzing feeling in my brain of words trying to get out in This Particular Order, to say precisely just this one thing, and it hurts me to know that it might never come back. that i might be too old and jaded and cynical to ever be able to do things like write poetry when i'm supposed to be finishing a GP exam. =) [yeah, well, what can i say -- the poem at the top of the page was written in five minutes in the middle of a GP exam. who knows when inspiration will strike right? now imagine trying to sneak a piece of paper out of a GP prelim...]

my other theory is that the U of C has just turned me into a broken shell of a human being. -grins- no, seriously -- while i can write ten, fifteen page analytical, argumentative papers and get decent grades for them, i can't do a single piece of creative writing anymore. if i write for leisure more often than not it turns out to be prose -wince- while there's nothing WRONG with prose per se, i don't WANT to be writing it. i miss the intensity of poetry. perhaps the ability to write papers and understand linear regression models will be more useful in the long run -IE when i start work- but damn i miss being able to WRITE.

***** end of poetry-writing rant *****

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was...

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience


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