Sunday, June 29, 2003

watched Hilary Rodham Clinton's interview with Barbara Walters this evening -- mom and i rushed home from dinner to make it on time -- and was struck anew at how much i like and admire her. granted, a lot of people don't like her as a human being, but i think she gets a lot of support for what she is trying to do and how she is willing to work for it and not be overly concerned with what people are saying about her. i like that she is concerned about education and healthcare in the United States, i like that she is willing to step over party lines to get what she needs to get done completed. i respect the fact that's she smart and hardworking, and i like the fact that she seems sincere.

most of all, though, i think i admire what she's doing with her marriage. in these times it would have been all too easy for her to give up on him -- i don't think she would've been blamed if she had left him. people would have been sympathetic; unfaithfulness is seen as a greater sin than divorce these days. but despite that, she took the time to come to terms with his betrayal and to decide that this relationship was worth the pain that he had put her through -- and i'm deeply touched by the kind of love and friendship and yes, even trust, that this decision means. how hard it must be to put this kind of betrayal behind you. i once thought that infidelity was the one unforgiveable sin in a marriage -- at least for me -- i thought that unfaithfulness would be the one thing that i would be unable to accept and put behind me, because it's a sundering of trust, and trust is a hard thing to give and then have to learn to give again. but perhaps i was wrong then -- now that i see that there is a kind of love that will withstand that kind of battering, a kind of love that can learn to forgive it.

heaven only knows why we fall in love with people, why we make things hard for ourselves in the name of, for the sake of love, why we spend so much of our lives missing what isn't here -- the person who isn't here. what determines who we love, and why we love and how long we love?

i'm feeling a little strongly about love right now: met up with Dan and Shereen who are now setting up house in Holland V, and as always, after i spend some time with them, i find myself wishing and hoping and praying that one day i too will have a love like theirs. a partnership, a friendship, a companionship and faithfulness and a love that is so rare it gleams in the light. the look on Dan's face as he watched Shereen walk down the aisle to him; the joy in their faces as their marriage was blessed in the eyes of God in front of the masses of people who love them. one day, i want to see that look on my husband's face, in my husband's eyes, when i walk down the aisle to him on dad's arm.

one day.


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