Friday, July 11, 2003

had dinner with cousin Jon at NYDC this evening [wisdom tooth update: very little swelling but chewing hard foods is still well nigh impossible. i had soup and dessert, good enough. infinitely better than MORE porridge. =)] and the whole relationship issue came up as a topic of discussion, among many. i've missed having jon around, we have such great dinner/lunch/teatime conversations when the adults aren't around to get in our way. this is the best thing about having a cousin who is the same age as you!

anyways, to put this down on paper --so to speak, or perhaps to send it out into the ether before i forget it-- and because it seems appropriate coming after the rant of this afternoon [brought on by girl flaking out on friend of mine]: i think that relationships are about two things. they're about love and they're about commitment. not just about being IN love, the whole rush of attraction and sparks and passion that flies around your heads those first heady months, but also loving your partner for everything that he/she is, and accepting the entire person that your partner is, not just selected, attractive parts. it's about being two separate people who are better together than apart because of that love. a relationship is also about making a choice -- some author once wrote a book about how love is an act of will not emotion, and in this case i think that's justified -- to stay with a person until Death Do You Part, so to speak. because it's just unbelievable that you'll never again meet another attractive human being because you're married to someone, you know? but you can definitely make the choice to do nothing about that attraction, because you've CHOSEN, and that choice is important to you. to both of you. but it can only work if it's a choice both of you are willing to make.

perhaps the reason that divorce rates are higher and people are unhappier about the decisions they make these days is that they've forgotten the importance of that notion, that definition of commitment. people have bought into the idea that they deserve nothing less than their dreams come true, nothing less than perfection, and they are no longer willing, somehow, to work for that dream as their parents and grandparents did before them. no relationship is perfect from start to finish, yet these days it seems easier --less costly-- to people to just leave and start all over again, instead of trying to work things out, even small things like whose turn it is to empty the trash. i guess it IS less costly to start over these days, because it's more permissible and you have more second chances than you used to. like Kathleen Kelly's 'dream of someone else' being the reason for leaving the someone you're with. =)

such depressing thoughts. yet there is still something to hope for, something to dream for, because sometimes in a rare moment of clarity you see precisely what you want, and you can hang on to that and remember that, and not settle for less than that, and not care that you are going to have to work hard to achieve it. i have my inspiration. i hope that one day my cousin will find his. =)


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