Friday, July 23, 2004

it's friday!

wow. i've just met Blogger's new WYSIWYG post-composing template for the first time, and i am impressed. heehee. it's like LiveJournal! only without the cuts which would make your reading life So Much Easier. =) anyway, before i get too carried away: this appeared in Today today:
 
Why not call it Garang-polis?
 
With such a cool name, S'pore's elite national security agency will strike fear into the hearts of terrorists
 
Friday • July 23, 2004
 
Aug 12 is a day that many a Singaporean will be talking about over the next few weeks. It is the day that Singapore will get a new Prime Minister and I am sure that the burning question on all of our lips will be: "Aug 12 got holiday or not?"
 
I think Singaporeans are so used to a smooth transition of power here that we are not all angst-ridden about our futures and fates whenever we have a change in the leadership. Hence, instead of worrying about any street riots or political fights, we can focus our minds on other things, like whether the handover date will be a national holiday and whether we should buy 4D lottery with that date.
 
We are somewhat worried about China though. First, some of their officials called off a study trip here. Then some bankers didn't show up. What's next? Will China also recall their female tourists who have been gracing the residential heartlands of Joo Chiat, Katong and Tanjong Katong?That would be a social disaster, because our men will lose the convenience of having, errr, company, at their doorsteps and will have to travel all the way to town.
 
On other national news, Singapore now has a new agency to deal with transnational terrorism and it will report directly to the Prime Minister. It is called, hold your breath now, the National Security Coordination Secretariat (NSCS).
 
Come now, we can do better than that! We have agencies named A*Star and Spring Singapore, surely we can give our new elite agency a more kilat (suave or impressive) name than National Security Coordination Secretariat?
 
Don't you find it difficult to pronounce the acronym (NesCes?). It does not even have a "Polis" at the end of it (Anti-Terrorpolis?). Surely that is against the laws of nature (Law of Nature #153: Cool names must have a Polis at the end of it).
 
When I think NSCS, a kick-ass anti-terrorism agency does not spring to my mind immediately. I think National Sports Cultivation Secretariat or Nurturing Singapore's Community Services.Let mr brown help you name the new agency. How about Rainbow Six? Too Tom Clancy? Ok, The Merdeka Merlions. Too much like a poorly-performing local football team? Ok, let's settle on Group of Anti-terrorism Rangers and Agency of National Gatekeepers (Garang).
 
And if we aim to be a hub for anti-terrorism activity, we will be the Garang-Polis.
 
I suggest that members of this new agency wear black to stand out from the other agencies. They can be the Men-in-Black.Oh wait, that is reserved for those guys responsible for our recent power failures (who will be punished the NEXT TIME they fail, when we make our laws tougher! NEXT TIME, they better watch out because we changed our laws!).Ok, wear dark purple then, it's almost black. Be the Men-in-Dark-Purple. Not as catchy, but still cool.Meet the Men-in-Dark-Purple, the men from Garang (insert cool anti-terrorism rap music here).
 
We need such a cool agency, of course, because Singaporeans need to be assured that their safety is of top concern (and also foreign investors generally do not like to set up shop in a country where terrorists run willy-nilly). This is all the more important as our nation is recovering from the economic slowdown. We do not want any terrorists to mess up our party. Any one of them thinking of even trying will have to deal with our Garang force (play rap music theme song again).
 
So, how do you know that our economy is improving? Ah, you do not need an economist to crunch some industry numbers to know that growth is back. Ask any Singaporean how they know we are growing again and they will tell you, "Growth? Of course got growth lah! Everything also grow. Property tax grow, school fees grow, and conservancy fees also grow!"
 
Fees in Singapore are psychic, as you all know. Even before the next quarter of growth is out, the charges we pay will already go up, in anticipation of the improvement of market sentiment.This is so that Singaporeans need not feel the inconvenience of having any change to their standard of living, like having extra money left in the pocket if they get their next raise.The minute the post-growth salary packet arrives, the bills with the increased charges will already reach the mail box. Such is the co-ordinated timing of our fee increases.
 
Of course, we will be told that the charges have not been increased for a very long time or that in other countries, they charge much more.Well, we don't live in other countries, do we? And what will we get for our $2.50 extra? Cleaner dustbins? Shorter grass? Better selection of paint colours for repainting our blocks with instead of those awful pastels that look like they were chosen by a colour-blind contractor?
 
Ok, I should calm down, and stop ranting. Maybe go and play my new anti-terrorism Xbox game, National Security Coordination Secretariat 3: The Revenge of The Hand.I have almost finished playing level 15, where my character is going high places if I complete my mission as Agent Lim, who has to launch a national security course for public officers while promoting public awareness.My joystick is almost broken from the excitement.
 
i leave you to enjoy in peace. :)

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