this is hilarious:
THE CAKE: Oh my God. It hurts my eyes. It's taller than a midget pimp and wearing twice as much gold. It's lavishly decorated, and by "lavishly decorated" I mean it looks like Liberace himself took a Bedazzler in one hand and a Christmas tree in the other, and then had a grand mal seizure all over this cake while meanwhile the sky opened up and rained pearls.
if you have five or ten minutes to spare, read the whole thing.