i was sitting in my living room watching tv earlier this evening when it struck me: in just a little over a month, this living room -this bedroom, this kitchen, this apartment- won't be mine anymore. in just another month my undergraduate career will be over, and i will be moving back home.
it's a very unsettling thought.
i guess i am mostly ready to be done with college, and probably getting less ambivalent about moving back to my old room in my home in Singapore. after all, i really do like my room at home. (i liked it more before the mango tree that shielded my window had to come down.) but the closer i get to leaving, the more i worry about adjusting back to life in Singapore: a place where i don't know where to buy groceries, where there are no farmers' markets to get maple syrup and jams and breads on the spur of the moment, where i don't know how to cook the food (believe me, i really do need to learn how to cook something other than italian food and 'asian' food out of packets). where i don't know where i will wind up working, and how i will get there, and what i want to do. i worry about going back to school, and i worry about not going back to school. it's a long list of worries. i try not to think about them too much, but sometimes, when i'm sitting here in the apartment just doing what i've done for the last almost-two years, it hits me.
soon, i'll be done, and i'll be out of here - out of this apartment i love, and this city i've learned to love, and away from this college that has been my second home for four years. and -oddly enough, this really saddens me- i'll be back in a land with no seasons -with no winters, and no falls, and no springs.